


Uncertainty

by NiennorNight (Niennor_Night)



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-05-31 22:31:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6489934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niennor_Night/pseuds/NiennorNight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus and Alec are fighting and shouting at each other, when Alec says something he regrets immediately... [Malec Oneshot] {Story requested by "Guest"}</p><p>[First Published at FF.net at 12-24-15]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncertainty

Magnus and Alec were fighting. The reason was trivial, but stress from work and tiredness had made them both grumpy and impatient and now they were shouting at each other…

**~o~**

 “Maybe your precious Jace could have done it better!!!” Magnus screamed.

Alec stared at him dumbfounded for a moment, but soon his surprise turned to anger because of the Warlock’s accusing tone, and he retorted. “At least **Jace** doesn’t try to paint my face against my will!! Or try to force me to wear different clothes!!”

He regretted the words as soon as they fell from his lips. Magnus’ anger and defensiveness was gone immediately, and he looked at him with so much hurt in his emerald cat-eyes, that Alec had to hold himself back to not hug him and apologise.

“Forcing you…?” Magnus choked out. “Is that… what you think of me? That I… _force_ you to do _things_?” He looked so broken that Alec dropped his eyes not bearing to look at him, his own anger immediately forgotten too. “All the things that we’ve done…” Magnus went on, his voice becoming a whisper. “Did you feel _forced_ to do them??”

Alec looked at him again, as keeping his eyes away from his Warlock was much more painful. “Mags…” He whispered reaching out to touch him, realising from the way he said the word “things” that he also referred to making love and that he thought Alec only did it because he was pressured.

But that couldn't have been more wrong and he ached to tell him. Magnus had been exceptionally patient on the matter, as he had also been to him coming out and telling everyone about them. He never forced him to do anything he didn’t feel ready to do. Alec knew how unfair what he said was and he wanted so bad to apologise, to tell him he didn't mean it.

But before he could, Magnus spoke again, as if he hadn’t heard him call his name. His eyes were glassy, shining with unshed tears, and he was looking at him but not really seeing him. “Do you… really… still prefer Jace? After… **_everything_** …?” He fell on the couch behind him hiding his face in his hands. “I thought…”

“Mags…” Alec repeated softly, feeling numb, not expecting that, trying to register what his lover said, so shocked by his words that he forgot what **he** meant to say. “Magnus, no…” _‘How can you believe that? The most confident person I know… Doubting yourself?’_

“I know…” Magnus said, not listening to him once more. “That I am not good enough for you… That I am not worthy of your love… But… I hoped…”

Alec fought to regain his composure and stay calm, as he gently pushed the Warlock’s chin up, making him drop his hands and look at him.

“I had my suspicions that your vision was defective since you kept telling me how perfect and how gorgeous I am, but now I am sure of it.” He said, offering him a small smile to reassure him, though it hurt unbearably to see him like this. “If you think Jace has **_anything_** on you… You, my poor, beloved, Warlock are **certainly** blind.”

Magnus just stared at him dumbfounded, so he went on.

“Magnus…” He said. “Jace is nice, but even **_he_** , has some flaws… Some **very** serious flaws that cannot be fixed no matter what.”

“Jace…? Serious flaws?” Magnus muttered, looking lost.

“Yes.” Alec said, his tone grave but calm, as if he was talking to a child. “Very, very serious flaws.” He added, sitting beside him on the couch. “First.” He made a show of counting with his fingers. “His eyes. They aren't emerald-golden cat-eyes…” He smiled softly, touching Magnus’ nose with his index finger. “Second. His hair isn't raven black.” He ran his fingers through the Warlock’s dark locks, shedding glitter. “Oh and he doesn't wear glitter.” He added. “But do you know what his greatest flaw is???”

He asked the Warlock who was staring at him frozen and who muttered in response. “He is not gay?”

“ **No**!!! **Magnus**!!!” Alec exclaimed, not believing Magnus really thought he still saw Jace as anything more than his brother. “His greatest flaw is that he is not **you**. He is not Magnus Bane. He is not the most gorgeous, kind, adorable, funny, cool, amazing, and powerful man in existence. He is not you.” He repeated. “ **You,** who are even more beautiful inside than outside… And that says a lot since you are the most gorgeous person I've ever had the honor to lay my eyes on. Let alone my hands.” He smiled again, touching his face. “Or lips…” He added taking the Warlock's hand and kissing it, looking at him. “He is not the person I love with all my heart, soul and body…” He finally said, his blue eyes never leaving the Warlock’s green ones.

Magnus was staring at him with wide eyes, tears gathering in them again, but this time because of happiness. Alec let go of his hand and hugged him. “You're never going to learn are you?” He spoke softly, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “You are worse than me… You **_know_** how gorgeous you are, yet you are still insecure?”

“It’s not about physical appearance…” He muttered in the Nephilim’s arms. “You know I’m half demon… Being loved by you is a blessing I don't deserve…”

Alec pushed him back gently to look into his eyes. “ **Deserve**??? Do you want to talk about **what** you **_deserve_**???”

Magnus flinched slightly, his eyes going wide again, making Alec's heart break because he understood he was waiting for him to tell him he didn’t deserve a thing.

“Magnus… No…” He retorted to his lover's unspoken words, touching his face softly. “You have suffered so much… You have saved so many lives!! Someone who loves you **more than anything else in the world** is the **_least_** you deserve!!”

Magnus stared at him speechless once more, looking ready to collapse and Alec wrapped his arms around him again. He felt him tense, then go limp in his arms, as he softly ran his fingers through his black hair soothing him. “Please believe me…” He crooned. “Please baby… Say something… Please my love… I'm sorry… so sorry… I never meant to say that you forced me… Of course it isn't true… Especially about the most important things… Being with you is the best and most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me… You have no idea how precious you are to me… Not even the parabatai bond I have with Jace can rival my overwhelming feelings for you… It doesn't even get close. Your happiness is my joy. Your pain is my suffering.” He held him tighter. “Seeing you like that is killing me.  Even more so, knowing I am to blame…”

“How is it that you always know how to say what I need to hear?” Magnus muttered against his chest.

Alec kissed his hair. “You know I'm no good with words… But with you, I could always speak my mind freely…” He stopped as if to think about it, looking down at him and giving him a small smile. “That is, when I'm not reduced to a stammering mess because you're too enchanting for words…”

 Magnus couldn't help but smile a little at that too, and at the blush creeping at the boy's cheeks.

“That's one more reason I love you…” Alec went on, smiling wider by seeing his smile. “You've saved me in so many ways… You saved my life when you didn't even know me. When you didn't **have** to do it. And then you freed me, from everything that was making me miserable. You make me happy, just by existing. You are my **home** … Every time we are together, I want to curl up in your arms and never leave again. My precious Magnus… My beloved-”

But he couldn't finish his sentence, because Magnus tackled him, stealing the air from his lungs, making them both fall back on the couch. Before Alec could recover, the Warlock kissed him breathlessly with so much love and passion that sent the Nephilim reeling, as he closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

“I **love** you…” His Warlock whispered between kisses. “I love you, I love you, I adore you, so unbelievably much…”

Alec caught his face in his hands and looked into his eyes. “I love you too… More than anything. And don't you **_dare_** to **_ever_** forget it again…” He said before pulling him back into a kiss, determined to **show** him too, all that he spoke in words…


End file.
